discover . . .
the Power of Your Story

I’m Lyssa deHart, LICSW, MCC and I am a leadership confidence and whole life coach.

Self-awareness + Courage = Confident Action
Are you ready to manifest your goals?

It’s time to get naked. You have a very short time on earth, and the question then becomes what will we do with the time we are given? Intimacy and transparency are fundamental to your ability to show up bravely, with humility, and ultimately transform your experience of life.

Dr. Patrick Williams shares stories and continually asks, “What steps will you take to step forward in your life?” via his book Getting Naked: On Being Emotionally Transparent at the Right Time, the Right Place, and with the Right Person.

The idea that love is infinite and you’re capable of accessing love as soon as you choose isn’t new, yet there is a freshness to this telling. I was left with curiosity about ways that I’m still muddling through letting go with love in my own life. And, pondering the manner in which love has the ability to open my world. If, I am brave enough to get naked, first and foremost with myself, and also with those individuals who have earned the right to hear my story.

Self-awareness and a desire to live a life one can be proud of requires us to dive into the pool of ourselves, skinny dip, and find what we most admire about who we are and who we are becoming.

These are just some of the messages I needed to be reminded of as I once again disrobe and get to know myself at the next more profound level. If this resonates with you, check out his book, and I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I did.

I had the immense pleasure of interviewing Dr. Patrick Williams on the Coaching Studio podcast. It’s available here if you would like to watch or listen!

Thank you and reach out anytime to share your thoughts!

Cheers,

~ Lyssa deHart, LICSW, MCC
Leadership Confidence & Whole Life Coach, ICF Certified Mentor Coach, and Author of StoryJacking: Change Your Inner Dialogue | Transform Your Life
www.lyssadehart.com
c. 206-900-2022

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One of the least understood – yet most powerful – concepts in personal and spiritual development is the Shadow Self, unfortunately, viewed as our “dark side”.

Carl Jung identified the Shadow Self as a side of our personality that we choose to hide…and often fear. As coaches, therapists, and counselors, it’s our job to guide our clients through the process of acknowledging their shadow…and unlocking the creative potential it holds.

But how do you convince someone that this part of their self is not a weakness? How do you teach your clients to understand, even embrace, their shadow?

You start by teaching them: it’s not Jekyll and Hyde (Hide).

This is one of the first hurdles counselors have to clear when helping their clients overcome internal challenges: the iconic portrayal of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde in Robert Louis Stevenson’s exploration of our ‘good’ and ‘evil’ side.

It painted the picture of a dual personality that was innately good on the surface, but capable of inexplicable evil. Jekyll was the hero, Hyde was the villain. We’ve been conditioned to think of dark thoughts, fears, anxieties as ‘evil’…and therefore weakness to be hidden.

Often, clients come to us for ways to help eliminate that dark side…

But what if we looked at it in a different way? What if we stopped looking at it as a process of elimination…but as a process of illumination?

Taking off the mask and illuminating the whole person.

Joseph Campbell identified the concept of masks in his exploration of the “monomyth” in his book The Hero With a Thousand Faces. His theory – a culmination of research he conducted into the concepts of Jung, Freud, Greek mythology, and religion – has been played out in countless popular novels and movies. Because art imitates life, to a point.

They’re illustrated in fictional characters like Frodo Baggins, Harry Potter, Luke Skywalker, Dorothy…all characters who are thrown into extreme circumstances and conquer their adversaries with magic wands, elixirs, lightsabers. They complete their quest and return to their former lives changed, somehow galvanized.

The most pervasive monomyth comes from our beloved icons in Disney, Marvel, and DC comics. These characters are ordinary people who can only succeed when they’re in disguise. Mr. Incredible and Elastagirl are powerless to help anyone until they put on their masks.

So, it’s natural for people to think they have to put a mask on to deal with their inner enemies…

Our challenge as counselors is to help people understand that those narratives are fictional…but valid. Because sometimes we all act as if the drama is real, forgetting that we are making up our story. We are directing the narrative about the challenges in our lives. And we fall into the trap of thinking we’re the lone hero…the only one who can vanquish our foes.

Giving our clients permission to take off the mask and show us their whole self…their shadow self, is the key to finding the whole person.

One of the questions I commonly ask my clients is, “What dream or goal for yourself have you abandoned?” It illuminates a weakness they perceive in themselves…and you can explore the reasons they gave up on that dream. Chances are, they were chained to a fear that came from their dark side.

The best superheroes have a sidekick.

Here’s where the narrative can be shifted. Nearly every superhero finds success when they admit to someone else that they’re in over their head. If we don’t learn to authentically share our shadow self with even one trusting individual, we’re destined to live our lives with a drawer full of masks. And we’ll be incomplete.

Managing adversity can add weight to our shadow self, but it also brings out the creativity in people…it pushes us out of our comfort zone and builds resilience if we stare it down rather than hiding from it. My friend, the late Debbie Ford, used to say that the unexpressed emotional baggage we keep is like trying to keep a beach ball under water….eventually it pops up!

Your shadow self is part of you, even when the sun isn’t shining. Accepting that the ‘dark’ thoughts you carry aren’t a weakness can help you embrace your whole self. Every part of you carries hope, dreams, aspirations…and the memory of failures and fear. And they make you a wonderfully unique creation.

If you are interested in Transformational Living, head over to my contact page to schedule a call today. 

Enjoyed this article? Here are three more to help you live an authentic life.

The Big Reason You’ve Gotta Show Your Dark Side In Order To Be Happy
We Want a Compelling Future, One Where We Live Freer
The Power Of Getting Truly Emotionally Naked With Each Other

This article was originally published in 2018, and has been updated just for you on the 14th of May, 2020. 

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The book can be intriguing at times and there is a lot to choose from. For instance, as a French native, I discovered the Velveteen Rabbit children’s book, which is very popular in the US, and the story of its character and its deep discussions with the experienced Skin Horse. Becoming real means embarking on self-discovery through relational experiences; ‘the witness is key’ writes Williams. It is about adopting the values of vulnerability, authenticity and full acceptance of self and others while embracing risk of disclosure.
I also learnt about the positive side of the ‘shadow’, ‘perhaps one of the least understood and most powerful concepts in personal and spiritual development’ according to Williams. He stresses what will propel someone forward, he talks about dreams and aspirations as opposed to past fears usually attached to this concept which goes back to Carl Jung’s major contribution to the fields of helping professions. Journaling, reflecting and working with a coach are among the strategies which he recommends using to unveil the ‘shadow self’; courage to explore also comes to play. Some readers will enjoy the detour of Peter Pan’s fictional character and Walt Disney’s movie. Some will like this powerful statement: ‘either you own your shadow, or it owns you’.

Although Getting Naked is not about coaching, this book advocates coaching as a means to increase emotional transparency wholeheartedly. Here again, Williams recommends safe and secure exploration. Executive and leadership coaches will find a full chapter dedicated to ‘getting naked’ at work. It includes ideas to help clients understand the benefits of self-disclosure in order to raise awareness, a mark of emotional intelligence, and how to build ‘naked trust,’ which is crucial to resilience. Alongside the well-known Johari Window model, I enjoyed the sections and words of wisdom dedicated to tackle blind spots, to improve communication and to handle crucial conversations.

Because of my interest in the body-mind relationship and embodiment work, I could relate to Williams’s appeal to rediscover the ‘Uniqueness of the body’ and go beyond the ‘I think therefore I am’ quote from the famous French philosopher and mathematician Rene Descartes. When talking about holistic views, somatic coaching, Gestalt and intuition, Williams shares some aspects of his coaching philosophy which I found inspiring. He is a great believer in daily centering practice such as meditation or walking. Readers will find some insightful stories and exercises to help them learn from their bodies, these ‘tremendously under-utilized resources’.

What struck me in this book is that it can be read at various levels. General audience will appreciate its narrative, accessible and engaging style. No doubt that it will help readers to connect to their own lives by encouraging them to be wisely ‘emotionally naked’ for the purpose of fulfillment, emotional freedom, personal growth and transformation. Coaches and other helping professionals will recognize, throughout the book, the foundations, ethics and competencies required to thrive in their professions. Indeed, a generous, humble but strong call for individuals to find and share wholeness in their lives.

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This quote stands out: ‘The magic of revealing ourselves to a trusted other allows us to reclaim energy that has been keeping the cellar door locked.'” – Love & Light, Rachel Lane, Coachrachel.com
 

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From the health care sector, social workers and nurse practioners would benefit from the professional perspective of listening to clients as the shed their clothes and reveal innermost feelings. This book could really reframe some outdated thinking and practice. WELL DONE…… – H. Gaidemak, PhD, RN

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A must read book for anyone searching for a way to feel authentic, whole and fully alive. – Theresa Catania

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